A New Year’s Resolution
My New Year’s resolution is to start blogging again. It’s funny, you let a week or two slip, then it becomes a month and before you know it, you have not written anything for almost half a year! Well – and I hope I do not regret putting this into print – I am going to start keeping a regular blog. If my entries start to wane, please give me a poke and remind me of my resolution.
If I am being honest, though, part of the reason for the lack of output is that I have been going through a bit of a spiritual decline. I think I have been in a space where I have found it all too easy to focus on what I have found wrong with stuff, theology, God, and not really able to think creatively about what I do believe.
I feel different now. I am not overly concerned at my dalliance – I have certainly strayed further from the path I want to be on – but it has prompted some other decisions. I have decided to stop attending the church I have been a part of for the last 6 (maybe 7) years. What I have found, over this last year, is that after attending church, I have invariably felt less positive toward God. In fact, I would go as far as to say that church has put me in a bad mood. And further, and this to me seems very wrong, I would say that it is my decision to stop attending, and the respite since I made the decision a few weeks ago, to which I attribute my new found positive attitude toward God. I am again making space for Him, praying, reading my bible and reading theology - all of which I had stopped. I am finding my God related thoughts inspiring and find a fresh impetus to get stuck into doing something positive.
I realize fellowship is a key ingredient of a balanced Christian life and choosing to leave my church has not been an easy decision. Needless to say, I must do something. My plan in the short term is to visit some other churches in the area. This, of course, can only be a short term solution; I realize I will need to commit to something, but this time I want it to be something which really inspires me. I want to be a part of a truly reflective community willing to really think about what it means to be church together. I am tired of feeling like my Christianity is just a value add; that it costs nothing – life as I like it plus more! It is my belief that Christ calls us to something more radical, something more engaging and way more costly. I am not at all certain what this should look like but I am sure I have not experienced it yet within any church context of which I have been a part.
And I am slightly scared by what this might mean. I like my life as it currently is, I am very comfortable. The trouble is, I have a strong sense that if I follow the route I am thinking I might, life could get uncomfortable. My plan then: I little at a time; make changes as and when God seems to present them. First things first: to concentrate on people and relationships and then see where things go from there. To that end I want to start having more God conversations. This website is obviously one avenue to pursue but also I am thinking of setting up a meet; something low key and probably involving food and wine. I am keen to start working through with others some of the thoughts I have been having and see where those discussions might lead. It might be that I am truly a loon and am all alone in my thoughts; else it could be the start of an interesting fellowship – we’ll have to see.
So here it is…. my first blog in nearly six months… I realize that there is not too much content wise but hey, I have broken ground.
9 Responses to “A New Year’s Resolution”
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Ray
Said this on January 2nd, 2008 at 12:30pm:Glad to see you’ve broken free yet become closer to what really matters. I’m sure whatever direction you take it will evetually be the right path, and hopefully one others will want to tread. I look forward to some good food, wine, and maybe even some discourse.
Barry
Said this on January 2nd, 2008 at 12:34pm:I can relate. I found that leaving the institutional church made me much more positive towards God. I haven’t found another “church” to belong to (though of course I’m part of the Church in the most real sense), but I have found that conversations in the blogosphere have helped me a lot in terms of spiritual growth and understanding. Maybe the same will work for you.
Anyway, welcome back, and I look forward to reading your new posts.
andyn
Said this on January 2nd, 2008 at 2:47pm:Of course you’re a loon Andy…
…but you’re our sort of loon. Glad to have you back.
Saint Peter
Said this on January 2nd, 2008 at 8:18pm:I thought you’d been excommunicated for heresy? Was it because of your liberal article about The Gays? Or your reluctance to use the Holy King James version of the Bible when confronting sinners? Whatever the real reason I’m sure when you look back at this time though Jesus’ eyes it will all be a lot clearer.
rj
Said this on January 3rd, 2008 at 2:25pm:“Don’t you think it was rather bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.
“There was only one lion,” said the Voice.
…
the voice continued. “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to recieve you.”
“Then it was you who wounded Aravis?”
“It was I.”
“But what for?”
“Child,” said the voice, “I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”
“Who are you?” asked Shasta.
“Myself,” said the voice, … (C.S. Lewis, “The Horse and His Boy”)
Not sure whether you will love or hate this quote maybe too calvanitic in its undercurrents but it came to mind!
AJ
Said this on January 4th, 2008 at 11:35am:Ray, Barry, andyn, Saint Peter, rj,
Thanks for all the encouraging replies guys. And rj, I can cope with a little Calvinist thought, especially if I pray the prayer: “you will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. Also Barry, I am somewhat relieved to know that you experienced similar emotions when you chose to leave your church setting.
Barry
Said this on January 6th, 2008 at 12:56pm:Some people leave the church because they’ve lost their faith; others leave in order to keep their faith. I suspect we both belong to the latter category.
AJ
Said this on January 9th, 2008 at 1:44pm:Thanks Barry,
I think to a certain extent this is how I feel. In the connection, have you read the book “Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture ” by Michael Frost. I have just finished it and found it very interesting. I will write post on it I think.
Barry
Said this on January 11th, 2008 at 12:57am:Yes, I’ve read Exiles. Very interesting.